Navigating Sensitive Discussions About Alcohol Use in Relationships

We all have the odd issue with our partner. It’s a part of life. But some can have a bigger impact on both themselves and you than others. Which are important to address.

Drinking problems have long been a common concern among partners and that’s not changing. Reports in the UK recently suggested that alcohol abuse is costing £27 billion in England alone, so it’s fair to say it’s more than one or two that have a problem.

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Naturally, the problem with alcoholism is that it affects a huge range of factors, not just a loved one’s physical health, but their mental health, their behaviour, their responsibilities, their ability to communicate and how they treat their partners. And that’s just to name a few. So it’s important to address as it can have a huge impact on relationships.

Addressing the situation isn’t easy, but it can be done and more often than not they will likely want to address it. After all, they love you and want to do the best for you too. So, how do you approach the situation and what do you tell them?

Start with Empathy and Understanding

First and foremost, you don’t want it to turn into an argument. You want an honest conversation that shows you care and you want to help them. Therefore you need to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding rather than any sort of anger, finger-pointing or judgement.

Alcohol problems can often be tied to deeper issues, such as stress, anxiety or depression so you want to get to the root of the problem. Ask them if they are ok and whether there is a reason they’re drinking more. Whether there’s anything they’re worried about and how you can help. This way you’ll create an environment that’s not built on blame but one where they will feel safe discussing their thoughts and feelings.

Be Specific About What You’ve Noticed

You need to be pretty firm in your findings. Going in vague is going to have no power behind it. For example, don’t just say, “you’re drinking too much”. This will put them on the back foot and there’s no real evidence behind it. Discuss specific examples of behaviour that’s concerned or worried you.

By showcasing examples, your loved one will be able to see the effects their drinking is having on themselves or other people and they can much better understand how alcohol is impacting their actions.

Explain How Their Drinking Affects You

What will likely hit them the hardest is not how their drinking is affecting them, but how it’s having an impact on you. Again, you don’t want to be overly critical or blame them for things, but rather how certain circumstances have made you feel and how you’re worried about it.

By communicating these concerns it will make them aware of behaviours they probably had no idea about, as well as hold them more accountable for their actions. It’s all about highlighting the wider impact of their behaviour as a result of alcohol.

Encourage Open Dialogue

One of the biggest things you need to do when speaking to your partner about their relationship with alcohol, is to keep the conversation open. You don’t want to put them on the defensive or close them up. You want to ensure they can discuss why they might be drinking and the underlying issues around it. They may well be drinking as a result of stress, anxiety or even things like loneliness.

You should show an interest in the reasoning, be empathetic with that and understand how you can help. In fact, getting to the root cause as a team can bring you closer together and show to your partner that you are there to help, which may encourage them to move forward and get the help they need, with you beside them every step of the way.

Offer Support and Suggest Help

Finally, once you’ve opened that discussion, you do want to offer them support and encourage them to get the professional help they need, if that feels necessary. It may be that you suggest small steps, such as giving up for a week or cutting down as a start point.

Alternatively, it may be best to go sober straight away, checking into the many private alcohol rehab centres UK wide or attending support groups to help with that. What’s important is that you discuss the options openly and they understand they have your backing. It’s not an easy step, and they may be defensive at first, but check in every now and again just to reinforce that getting help isn’t a sign of weakness, but one that’s being taken to improve your relationship and their health. And that’s as important a reason as any to get the help they need, with you by their side.